Twas Two Mornings Before Christmas...

Twas two mornings before Christmas and all through the house

Every creature was stirring except for my spouse.

10 hours of sleep was apparently too few

As he napped with the baby and told me to shoo

I had no fear and I thought I’d be slick

As I reached deep inside my wife’s bag of tricks

I’ll make him coffee cake, I thought, and he’ll awake to the aroma

But one hour later he was still in his coma

No matter, for I had a job to complete

To get though the errand list I’d been putting off for weeks

First off to Vons to get some flour

To make dozens of cookies for my family to devour

I thought I’d be in ‘n out and the day would be mine

Till I reached the check stand and saw 13 people in line

I foolishly chose the lane that read “express”

Reasoning in must be faster than the rest

No need to point out that clearly my choice was not sound

For by every coupon-toting, discount card holding misfit this lane had been found

Though the sign was quite clear “10 items or less”

The man with 13 items was adding to my stress

Fuming inside I decided to let this one go,

Thinking that karma would catch up with my foe

Finally out and only slightly vexed

I looked at the list to see what was next.

Quick home to feed Kaelyn then out for round two

Did I really have all of these things to do?

Gromit must be at the groomers in an hour

The house must be cleaned and the floor must be scoured

The baby needs a bath for she smells like cheese

The movies must go back to avoid the late fees.

A few more presents to buy, some people are quite hard

Oh what can I buy them? They’ll all get a gift card.

Charley’s tire is flat and in need of repair

But go to Costco today? I wouldn’t dare

I’m not sure how Michael’s thought it reasonable to employ

Just one lonely clerk, a teenage boy

M y car needed gas and I was starving by now

But on I mission I was, and through my list I would plow

Finally I got home as the clock struck one

Just as the groomer called and says Gromit is done

So back in the car I went en route to Petsmart

I was supposed to be cleaning, now when will I start?

“Gasp!” I explain as they bring Gromit out

“Did you use a weed-whacker on him?” I wanted to shout

Cowering in the corner he wouldn’t go out the door

Knowing he looked even more ridiculous than before

I am home yet again and I can finally start to bake

I’ll just make a few things, how long could it take?

I get out the recipe and start to peruse

How much of each ingredient I will need to use

You’ve got to be kidding I manage to mutter

Could it really be true that I don’t have enough butter?

So back off to Vons with Kaelyn in tow

Why didn’t I just buy the refrigerated dough?

By now it is four and the list has been chucked

I’ll never finish, boy am I…. in trouble

I slammed open the front door with a dramatic flair

Then stopped dead in my tracks and did nothing but stare

Could this really be true, do my eyes deceive?

For what I saw could not be believed

The house had been cleaned from bottom to top

The floors had been scrubbed while I went to shop

The carpets were vacuumed the dishes all done

Even the pet hair was gone, I really was stunned

Could it be Santa or the Christmas elves at work

Is this all a dream? Am I going bizerk?

With vacuum in hand he emerged from behind the wall

My knight in shining armed with Lysol

“I thought I could help by cleaning” he said in his shy way

“I know you have probably had a long day.”

“I am marinating steaks for dinner” he said

“And I even washed the sheets on the bed.”

My heart melted quickly as I leaned to Kaelyn and said

That is the reason to this man I was wed

And so my friends the moral is this

Through the hustle and bustle and holiday madness

Let us all remember what brings us gladness

Forget the crowds and the ignorant clerks

Don’t worry about the people who drive like jerks

The gifts will get wrapped and the bows will get tied

You don’t need to find a hole in which to hide

I can’t help but feel blessed for all that we have been given

For our jobs, for our friends, and the house that we live in

But the best gift that has been given to me

Is my wonderful little family of three

(Ok, actually all of our family, but I couldn’t figure out how to make that rhyme)

Merry Christmas!